It’s my (wedding) party and I’ll cry if the napkins aren’t folded to reveal my hidden nature

This engagement ring is appropriate only for women 13 and younger,
which is to say, this is an inappropriate engagement ring.

When my grandmother got married, she was sixteen. When I was sixteen, I went to prom. There are similarities: a fancy dress, lots of pictures, dancing to the YMCA. The critical difference: at the end of a wedding MATRIMONY happens. At the end of prom, matrimony does NOT happen.

Even though society has pushed back the marriage deadline, I am now at the age where marriage is acceptable, encouraged, even expected. Everywhere I turn, friends of mine are sending me save the date magnets with their portraits on them beaming with pre-marital bliss. Engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorette parties litter my agenda with more frequency than my own dates. Which tells me two things:  that I need to buy more non-holiday wrapping paper and that my own wedding is a long ways away.

In the meantime, I am taking notes. Bridal magazines, Tiffany’s ring generator, and of course actually going to weddings have got me thinking about my big day (as if I haven’t been scheming this since I was 9).  One thing is for sure, I do not want the Eiffel Tower on my engagement ring. The New York Times claims that millenials want their wedding experience to be “distinctive, memorable, and personal.” Read “these kids think they’re so special and creative and that no one else has ever thought of making an Eiffel Tower wedding ring. How gauche.” Believe me, someone else has thought of it before, but they were drunk at the time.

Potential fiancés, when picking out a ring to pop the question with, ask yourself, if this ring were a thousand times bigger, would it resemble a national monument? If the answer is yes, give it back to the sales clerk and try again later.

Yes, it’s true that millenials want meaningful weddings, but I can’t imagine that brides were completely indifferent to particulars pre 1979. Everyone wants a tasteful, fun wedding, but no generation is immune to nuptial faux pas. Or maybe it is just us…